Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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