Your dad touched me again.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
