I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
