I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
