Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
