No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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