Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
