I showed him my bush... on skype.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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