It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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