She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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