do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
