I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
