I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
