Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
