i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
