the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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