I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
