Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
