Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
