What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
