i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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