chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
