Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
