Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
