Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
