Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
