I wish you could order shots online.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
