Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
