chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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