There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
