Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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