I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
