i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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