Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
