rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
