So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
