i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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