Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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