The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
