TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
