I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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