i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
