apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
