You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize