You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
