That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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