haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
