Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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