Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
