Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
