I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
