I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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