Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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