how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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