You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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