I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
