I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
