I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
BRING THE BAGELS
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
