I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
