Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
