It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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