Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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