you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
