He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
