Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
