I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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