Your mouth is God's brothel.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
